Running through my mind
by IsuzuForever
Summary: Ever wonder what's going on inside their minds? Here are my interpritations of a few characters. . R&R!
1. Profound

**Zero- No feeling**

I can kiss him and feel his tongue on mine, but I can't feel the intensity of his kiss. I can only feel the pressure that is what I trade for no pain. However, the pain of not feeling his passionate kisses transcends any physical pain ten folds. I'd much rather feel his kiss and suffer the blessed yet cursed pain receptors than to live the way I do right now.

I must guess the sensation I'm supposed to feel. I must assume that I'm a good kisser, I'll never know, he'll never know. It is a sad thing being a zero. There is no point in me losing my ears. I've always promised myself I would lose them while making love, but there is no point. I can' feel the love he puts into his kisses, so for us making love is constant agony.

I'm always wondering if it is love-making instead of pleasurable pressure. Pain is pressure with the sting of life guiding it. Is this why I long for pain? Or do I want pain only for its benefits?

"Negisa-sensi," I speak to the one who manufactured my existence, or rather my body.

"Yes Youji?" she asks kindly but not turning away from her computer screen.

"I hate you…" I conclude letting air flow from my passionless mouth.

She turned her chair, this has gotten her attention.

"What? Why would you hate me?" she whines like a greedy child who's wishes were rejected.

"You've taken my pain, I hate you for taking it from me," I elaborate while still, unknowingly, making is to where only I understood.

"Youji…you were made with pain that was the purpose. Pain is a dreadful thing child. You have a life that is pain-free! Do you know how lucky you are?" She inquires thinking of this complex existence as if it were simple.

"I envy humans. You can feel pain and all other things. I can only feel the consequences and repercussions of pain. You've also taken love from me and placed me one step above it. I'm in agony. And mom, this is why I hate you," I finish walking out of her office.

For you humans who take kissing, sex, highs and drunken times for granted, remember what I've said. You truly are magnificent creatures. You can feel love, passion, drunkenness, and being high. Never sell out these emotions…never.

"Are you ready now Youji?" Natsuo asks me as we walk out of the school.

"Yes…" I say still in a somewhat depressed mood.

Natsuo slips his hand into mine and smiles at me lightly. I smile back at him as my ears and tail instantly perk up.

"Where are we gonna go now?" I ask loudly like always.

"Back to the masochists' house of course!" He replies.

Now, it's as if all those thoughts of mine had never occurred, although they still feel like lead weights on my soul, Natsuo doesn't need to worry…I will always love him no matter what my 'destiny' says.


	2. Plus Beau Comme L'amour

**A/n: **I'm getting some positive feedback from this story! Thanks to all who reviewed I really appriciate it! Anyway...as you will be able to tell as soon as you read it, this one is about Soubi. I'm not quite sure how his inner mind works...but I gave it a shot and I'm pleased with the outcome. So any kind of advice on this story would be great! . ENJOY!

**Etre- To Be**

I wanted him to control me…simple as that. Or so I thought. I only wanted to mindlessly follow orders that lay before me. I didn't want to think freely, I didn't want to live only for me. I wanted to live for my sacrifice. My body, my mind, all of me, all for my sacrifice. Have I always been willing to give my self to some one else this much?

However the biggest flaw in my plan was the cutest boy I've ever seen.

No…he was the cutest boy ever, period.

Ritsuka…you're so complex. You have made me think for myself for the first time in I don't know how long.

Is Ritsuka different than anyone I've ever met? Did I want to be around Seimei this much? Or was Ritsuka a special case? Yes.

I had never intended to fall in love with him. He started off as an order and I couldn't help but find excuses to see him, to kiss him. I even go so far as to tell him it's to make our bond tighter. When, in actuality…I just want to be as close to him as I can be. Like I said…he was only an order.

"_Find Ritsuka if I should die. You will always be with him to protect him. Make sure he's never alone." _I can recall such words so easily. They were the words that led me straight to Ritsuka. It was the voice that had spoke to me only days before his gruesome murder.

What had started off as an order from the absolute of my world had become this strong love that was unshakable.

Most of the time I just want to watch Ritsuka. I wanted to see him move. I wanted to memorize the way his lips quivered the closer I got him. I wanted to trace every curve of the fragile body that I was so wildly, and somewhat obsessively, dying to posses. This desire to merely watch him was so strong sometimes I prefer to sit in silence, I didn't want to exchange words with him. I just wanted to drink in the sight of the innocent boy.

The warm ocean of Ritsuka's presence drowns me and I've began to wonder what it was like to breathe without Ritsuka.

Was the air as sweet as it is now? Or was it stale? Was the air heavy and cold? Or could it be that it was warm and light like a summer breeze? I could scarcely remember breathing before I first kissed his honey lips.

I know he often wonders if I am using him as a substitute for his older brother. He may not believe me, but the answer will always be no. No matter how many times he asks me, I will always tell him the truth…No.

Sometimes I miss Seimei with a burning passion, but Ritsuka will never be him or a replacement for him. They are 2 completely different people. In Seimei's eyes I was only a slave. To Ritsuka I was a person, who he didn't want to abuse or control.

"Soubi, I only want to request things of you. It's not right for you to just blindly follow anyone's orders," as he spoke I shook out of the trance and smiled broadly at him.

The light danced on the tip of his nose and I noticed how adorable he looked in the glow of a setting summer sun. This would be one of those moments that I wished not to speak but to study him. However, if I did that I would upset him.

"Whatever you say, master," for some reason I felt the need to annoy Ritsuka at this moment since he chose to ask me a question.

"Don't call me that! I'm being serious here!" he exclaimed while the raven's silk cat ear stood up straight.

"I love you."

Now it was my turn to be serious. Ritsuka merely blushed as I took him into my arms and stroked his head lovingly.

If he had said that he didn't believe me…I know the pain would be piercing, but as long as he doesn't believe me I will try to get him to see these are my emotions. They are mine and mine alone. They aren't an order anymore.

And for the first time I realized that it wouldn't be too horrible if I wasn't controlled by a dead man.


	3. Sans Paroles

**_Sans Paroles…_**

This isn't something I can very easily explain…no. Whenever I try, the words just seem to vanish when the time is right. I'm no good with words. None of them can fit what I have to say. No matter what the word is, it's something stronger. No matter what the language of the word, it's something more beautiful. I can find no words to fill the empty space that needs definition.

He's no help at all either. I say go, he stays. I tell him to stop and still he persists. How am I supposed to know what to say when all the right words just fade away in his arms?

But when he kisses me…that's the absolute worst. It's like time is suspended, the world stops spinning, my mind stops racing…it's only us…it's only…well…perfect. A feeling like this, can it happen to some one as tainted as me? Can it be possible that these are in fact, not my kisses at all, but they belong to some one else? Could Soubi be thinking of Seimei when his lips collide with mine?

Even if they are Seimei's I'll still take them as if they are mine to take. I'll still want them even if they aren't mine to want. Sometimes in my mind I pretend that all of the beautiful Soubi belongs to me, and for those few moments it seems like that world isn't so terrible after all. However, the crashing reality hits whenever the kiss is over…Am I only meant to take the place of Seimei?!

For all the strangest reasons, these thoughts disturb me. It never fails, my hands begin to shake and I get more upset than usual if I think this way. If I think the way I do right after he kisses me…he knows it.

I steal a quick glance from Soubi who is staring me down with gorgeous blue eyes. He hasn't said a word for a while, he's just been watching me. The look on his face is one of worry or like he's afraid…maybe both?

"Ritsuka," he breathes just before I turn away blushing.

"What's wrong?" Soubi asks standing up to caress my face.

"Did you love Seimei?!" I blurt out on accident.

My hands cover my mouth. I didn't mean to say that! Stupid Ritsuka! Why did you say that?! Soubi looks completely taken back, as if he had no idea I was thinking like this at all. I cast my eyes down ward, and shut them tightly. This is my attempt to shut out the world.

Out of the blue I can feel his strong, warm hands pull me into his body. I fought it though, not wanting to give in. There were no hits, no orders, no words to make him let go of me. Through all the yells and curses all Soubi does is hold me. Just when I thought that he was going to let me go, his lips surrounded mine in a passionate kiss.

"Does that feel like it was for Seimei?" he asked holding onto the sides of my face with fierce intimacy.

The truth was, "No," my voice came out weak and tired.

I needed more…so much more than what I can get. My body ached and yearned for every inch of him.

My hand shook, but this time for a different reason. I wanted him, so badly it hurt. This unknown feeling that my hands, heart, and skin had grown to know so well…became stronger with every kiss.

"I don't love Seimei…and I never will," Soubi finally spoke as the tension built up in my body.

"Uh-huh…" I'm at a loss for words again dammit…

How can I say what I need to when he's robbed my words? What I lack in words maybe I can make up for with kisses?

"I love you Ritsuka," Soubi tells me.

I am unable to control myself any longer…I somehow pin him to my bed and kiss him deeply, kiss him passionately, kiss him like my life depends on it. My hands cup his face and the kiss is deepened with our tongues dancing within the corridors of our mouths. The moment is made perfect when I hear small whimpers fall from my lips and strong groans from his.

We break with a gasp of air, and Soubi pulls me into his chest.

I whisper, "I love you too," gentle enough to where only I can hear it.

**+----+**

**A/N:** So how did you guys like it? I'm wondering who I should write about next...I'm thinking Natsuo or one of the Zero girls, what do you think? hmmmm...well, critique is always welcomed and so is love! Oh! I also wanted to open up the doors for the contest. Whoever can translate the titles of the chapters, the next chapter will be dedicated to you written about the character you choose! So have fun! with that!


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